Ok, I’ll rank the Star Wars movies.

Since Star Wars ranking is a fad these days - I will give it a crack. But only after a rant and then sorting in the most complicated way ever.

All of the prequels are terrible. Ranking any of the new movies lower than them makes me wonder how long it was one has seen them. You know what the new trilogy doesn't have? A boring political subplot that results in minutes of pointless dialogue. It does not have the general racist overtones of nearly every alien portrayal. And it doesn't have an an angsty Jedi slaughtering people because of rage or something. Kylo is a hundred times better written than anything with Anakin in it (not including The Clone Wars animated series, which is excellent when it takes itself seriously).

But aside from than that - I feel some of the rankings make a worse nostalgic error.

Some people seem to think Return of the Jedi was good.

ROTJ has one thing in its favor — the rescue of Han Solo is excellent. The writing, the dialogue, the acting, the action. If that had been the whole movie, it would rank as one of the best.

Sadly, it keeps going. And at this point the movie is split into two narratives: Luke’s desire for his father’s redemption and the Battle of Endor.

The problem is that narratively — they both fail.

Let’s start with Endor. The entire success of the battle, and with it the war, turns out to be Ewoks. So first realize that without these walking teddy bears, the galaxy would be the Empire’s stomping ground.

Also remember that until Luke put the fear of a god into them,they were going to eat our heroes.

I am going to say that again because while the scene is played up for laughs — the Ewoks were going to cook, flay and devour Han. And then probably Luke. Probably shortly followed by Leia.

Ewoks aren’t good people.

And that is before we get into the problematic suspension of disbelief that Imperial war machines can be defeated by stealing the plotline of Home Alone.

But if you are willing to believe that walkers can be brought down by stones and superior (yet tiny) numbers of foot soldiers, let us bring attention to the other narrative.

Lucas so wanted Star Wars to be defined by the story of Anakin Skywalker that he went and made three more movies just to try and make a story out of it. Those movies and the events of the Clone Wars actually makes ROTJ worse.

At the end of Empire Strikes Back, Luke has learned that Darth Vader is his father. His reaction to that information is a great moment of cinematic history. Hamil might have delivered his best ever scene when his spits rage at Vader and then bellows a disbelieving scream. It is an intense scene which may have no parallel in the franchise (although Rogue One gives it a run for it’s money).

His reaction is also that of the audience. Vader is the monster we have been taught to fear for two whole movies. He is a juggernaught of power. More machine than man, he can kill on a whim.

We learn from the prequels that he has been a monster for years. He betrayed his order, kills innocents, slaughters children and presides over a campaign of terror while hunting and killing any remaining Jedi.

One could credit Lucas with trying to define an arc that isn’t simply Vader being defeated and brought to justice.

But his redemption simply has no credibility. And it turns the last part of ROTJ into that same Mark Hamil who hurled rage at his father giving him doe eyes and platitudes. Luke’s whole plan to redeem his father seems to consist of solely two things: have a feeling that there is good left in Anakin, and repeat that you have that feeling over and over and over again.

It’s like the movie has two Lukes — a badass Jedi who is super fun to watch while he saving his best friend from doom, and a simpering child desperate for a father’s attention.

I would say that every scene with Luke and Vader in ROTJ marks some of the worst of the series, but then we have Anakin talking to Padme and there isn’t much contest.

So while I get the new trilogy isn’t what everyone wanted , it does manage to tell a story over three movies better than Lucas could in four.

Honestly, here is my ranking:

#3 : The redemption of Anakin Skywalker. This includes ROTJ and the the three prequels. ROTJ serves as a cap to the prequel trilogy and seen as a whole is a narrative train wreck. The only saving grace here is the Clone Wars animated series, which could be included. That series manages to show a more realistic Anakin that one might actually like, introduces some excellent new characters, and earnestly tries to patch some of the plot holes of the prequels.

#2: The Fall and Rise of the Jedi. AKA the new trilogy. Here a post Empire Luke tries to restore the Jedi order. He fails, creates a Sith insurgence instead and needs the Force to come fix his mess in the form of Rey. Love or hate JJ’s cinematic style, which has always leaned thin on substance and heavy on flash (hello lens flares) — the narrative works and serves as a callback to the good parts of the original trilogy.

#1: The Fall and Rise of the Empire. Here I include Rogue One, A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back with a side of Solo. One could argue this doesn’t work without ROTJ because it ends on a cliffhanger. But some of my favorite shows end in cliffhangers or otherwise end up being unresolved. And the ending of Empire is arguably the best of the whole franchise. The end scene ends on a hopeful and even triumphant note … despite our heroes having recently been trounced.

That last set of movies I would watch over and over again (and largely have).

I could go a long time never seeing Return of the Jedi or any of the prequels again.

So that’s my ranking.